Pseudo-sofistication. This was (is) one word I really like. I quite fancy the word because it is so very pregnant with meaning. And it has a lot to do with how we are raising our children in this era.
I was chatting with a fellow parent and our conversation was cut short because she remembered that she had to fetch her daughter from Ballet class. It was a Monday afternoon.
Monday is for ballet.
Another parent at school was raving about her son's new favorite activity. Martial Arts with coach Kim. Tuesday is for Karate.
I went to a locally-known music school to inquire about classes. It was Wednesday. The school was brimming with children. Apparently, Wednesday is for Piano (or violin).
Thursday is for math supplementary class (Kumon, Singaporean math, Practical Mathematics, etc. etc). On top of the already numerous sheets of paper for homework, the six-year-old boy had more math classes to attend, outside school.
Friday is for Painting. "Woohoo!" for most kids. At least for the younger ones who are finally allowed some "messy play" at the Art Studio for kids.
Saturday and Sunday, Soccer, Badminton, Swimming or all of the above.
Such a tight schedule for children aged 4 and above, don't you think? Whatever happened to "free play" and going outside to play with neighbors, or having play dates at friends' homes?
Whatever happened to CHILDHOOD?
We try so hard to manage our "stresses" in life, from over-crowded cities to over-packed schedules, and here we are, as open-minded parents, doing the exact opposite to our children. We load them with stressful activities.
I say "stressful" because we are so afraid to keep the children "idle", even for just a day. And we think that by providing them with all these "brain-feeding" activities and schedules, we are helping them advance in life. I would say, from my nearly-20 years of teaching, the children are just falling into the same trap we are in. STRESSED ADULTS. And we push them to Pseudo-sofistication.
We try so hard to give the children "an edge." And that is not wrong at all. It is, by all means, a noble and almost-obligatory job as parents. And by some unconscious force, we try to fashion them into our little selves, or extensions of ourselves. And we become so caught up with pushing them to be ahead of the pack, that we forget about their ages and their respective interests.
These are children! They are meant to play and discover the wonders of the world, not be confined to four walls of concrete, memorizing, following pre-set movements, and regimented styles of learning. They should be playing outdoors, feeling the grass on their feet, holding sand and rocks, pouring water into bottles, watching bugs crawl on leaves. They will, in their later years, be spending more than enough time inside a room, facing a computer terminal, and watching a screen. Why start "imprisoning" them this early?
Maybe we think that if they learn all the "finer things in life" at an early stage, they will BE at an advantage over the rest of the children their age. But have we ever thought of how every single child we know is already enrolled in all these courses anyway, that our apparent "edge" is already the norm? And when we realize that, we will then PUSH our children more to doing something else, something more difficult. So who is to blame for all these "stress-related illnesses" we are feeling these days? WE ARE!
Let's break the cycle of this Psuedo-sofistication. It is a farce, a fallacy, an irrelevant occurrence. Children need to be children. They will reach their own maturity when the time is right. Leave them some room to play, grow and explore their environment, without us having to schedule their lives for them. Let the children play!!!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
We CAN be Creative Parents!
A few years ago as an active teacher, I heard one of the parents say on a Friday afternoon, "Have a good weekend, Teachers! You guys get to rest and we parents start our jobs with the kids until Sunday evening! Wish us luck!" And with a long sigh she walked off with her three- and five-year old. I could almost hear her heavy heart beat while she held each child's hand in hers. I wasn't a parent then and couldn't believe that she considered her weekend with the children such a burden. What was wrong with her, I thought to myself. I was in utter disbelief.
And then I became a parent, twice over now in ten years and realized part of what she was saying. Weekends in a country where nannies and house-help was a luxury can become tedious, especially when you spend ALL day doing errands. Add to that, spending ALL day with two children who both need you in some way or other. It can be nerve-wracking indeed.
But then I discovered how to become a "creative parent" without having to spend money or spend the entire day preparing for one activity with my children, "just to keep them busy." Of course having experienced years of being in the classroom with screaming, rowdy and sweet preschoolers (a.k.a. a teacher) helped a lot. Common sense also kicked in.
Here are some tried-and-tested fun activities I've done with my children (and sometimes with other people's children I had to baby sit often) which kept them busy and my sanity intact. I also managed to slip out of the room to fold laundry, do the dishes and surf the net!!!
1. Simple Water Play.
On a warm day, I spread out an old shower curtain (indoors!!!) to shield the floor of a rented condo then). The other materials were as follows:
Two (2) wide-mouth bins, filled one with water about two inches high and the
other left empty.
Old measuring cups (plastic), water bottles (also plastic), spoons, ice cream
scoopers and a plastic strainer (the ones we use for draining pasta)
I showed my daughter how to scoop water from the bin and pour it into the bottles. Later on she was transferring water from one bin to the next. for variety you can add dishwashing soap or a mild shampoo. Bubbles are a sure winner.
She was at it for almost an hour. She also found her way inside the bin later on, enjoying the tight "mini-pool" she created.
A word of caution though, keep the water level LOW. A younger child of one or two years of age may drown in as low as an inch of water. They may be unable to raise their head out of the waterbin at that age.
And teach the children NOT to drink the water. If they're busy pouring and scooping, they won'd drink. And for safety measures, keep a pitcher or glass of water beside your child when she or he gets thirsty.
And as a creative parent, I learned not to get finicky about getting wet, dirty or sticky fingers.
2. Clothespins (wooden or plastic) on a clothesline.
I tied a short cord from one closet to another (or a chair to a closet, whatever works) and attached ten (10) clothespins on the cord. It was a home-made abacus and a great tool to exercise my daughter's fine-motor muscles--the small muscles in the fingers, used to control the pencil.
3. (More to come later...duty calls, time to pick up the children from school!)
And then I became a parent, twice over now in ten years and realized part of what she was saying. Weekends in a country where nannies and house-help was a luxury can become tedious, especially when you spend ALL day doing errands. Add to that, spending ALL day with two children who both need you in some way or other. It can be nerve-wracking indeed.
But then I discovered how to become a "creative parent" without having to spend money or spend the entire day preparing for one activity with my children, "just to keep them busy." Of course having experienced years of being in the classroom with screaming, rowdy and sweet preschoolers (a.k.a. a teacher) helped a lot. Common sense also kicked in.
Here are some tried-and-tested fun activities I've done with my children (and sometimes with other people's children I had to baby sit often) which kept them busy and my sanity intact. I also managed to slip out of the room to fold laundry, do the dishes and surf the net!!!
1. Simple Water Play.
On a warm day, I spread out an old shower curtain (indoors!!!) to shield the floor of a rented condo then). The other materials were as follows:
Two (2) wide-mouth bins, filled one with water about two inches high and the
other left empty.
Old measuring cups (plastic), water bottles (also plastic), spoons, ice cream
scoopers and a plastic strainer (the ones we use for draining pasta)
I showed my daughter how to scoop water from the bin and pour it into the bottles. Later on she was transferring water from one bin to the next. for variety you can add dishwashing soap or a mild shampoo. Bubbles are a sure winner.
She was at it for almost an hour. She also found her way inside the bin later on, enjoying the tight "mini-pool" she created.
A word of caution though, keep the water level LOW. A younger child of one or two years of age may drown in as low as an inch of water. They may be unable to raise their head out of the waterbin at that age.
And teach the children NOT to drink the water. If they're busy pouring and scooping, they won'd drink. And for safety measures, keep a pitcher or glass of water beside your child when she or he gets thirsty.
And as a creative parent, I learned not to get finicky about getting wet, dirty or sticky fingers.
2. Clothespins (wooden or plastic) on a clothesline.
I tied a short cord from one closet to another (or a chair to a closet, whatever works) and attached ten (10) clothespins on the cord. It was a home-made abacus and a great tool to exercise my daughter's fine-motor muscles--the small muscles in the fingers, used to control the pencil.
3. (More to come later...duty calls, time to pick up the children from school!)
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
5 Parenting Tips for the Weekend
1. Start and end the day with "I love you."
Showing children our love sometimes may not be enough. Saying these three simple words with a warm tight hug can make a huge difference in our children's lives. Especially if we have teeners under our roof. Remember though not to expect a response from them. They may not be "in the mood" at the moment. Nonetheless, saying "I love you" starts their day off properly.
2. Acknowledge "Negative Feelings."
As the old adage says: the first step to solving a problem is to acknowledge that there is one. Feelings of fear, anger or disappointment are all normal, for adults and for children. These are emotions we need to recognize when our child is going through them.
"It seems like you are feeling scared about... I know it can be difficult now. Mommy/ Daddy is here to hold your hand / to help you / is here with you... we can do this together."
They need to know that having feelings of fear is normal but can be overcome. Accepting your child's negative emotion helps him deal with it positively.
3. Let your toddler and preschooler explore, as long as it is within safety limits.
Banging on pots with spoons or getting messy hands is something we parents try to shield our kids from. We worry too much about the inconveniences these actions will bring US. We forget that they LEARN from it. Let's go easy on the "Don'ts." Except of course when he starts climbing the "wrong" side of the stair case!!!
4. Coin a nickname.
Remember how you used to call your boyfriend or girlfriend by a distinctive name that only you can use? The same holds true for your child!!! Calling your child by a special monicker reflects your unique bond with your him. Only you and your child have that special bond. Think of it as a "secret password" to his heart.
5. Be courageous when you need to say you're "Sorry."
Admitting one's mistake is a bold act. Doing so sends your child a loud message that if you are wrong, it is alright to apologize and make amends.
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!
Showing children our love sometimes may not be enough. Saying these three simple words with a warm tight hug can make a huge difference in our children's lives. Especially if we have teeners under our roof. Remember though not to expect a response from them. They may not be "in the mood" at the moment. Nonetheless, saying "I love you" starts their day off properly.
2. Acknowledge "Negative Feelings."
As the old adage says: the first step to solving a problem is to acknowledge that there is one. Feelings of fear, anger or disappointment are all normal, for adults and for children. These are emotions we need to recognize when our child is going through them.
"It seems like you are feeling scared about... I know it can be difficult now. Mommy/ Daddy is here to hold your hand / to help you / is here with you... we can do this together."
They need to know that having feelings of fear is normal but can be overcome. Accepting your child's negative emotion helps him deal with it positively.
3. Let your toddler and preschooler explore, as long as it is within safety limits.
Banging on pots with spoons or getting messy hands is something we parents try to shield our kids from. We worry too much about the inconveniences these actions will bring US. We forget that they LEARN from it. Let's go easy on the "Don'ts." Except of course when he starts climbing the "wrong" side of the stair case!!!
4. Coin a nickname.
Remember how you used to call your boyfriend or girlfriend by a distinctive name that only you can use? The same holds true for your child!!! Calling your child by a special monicker reflects your unique bond with your him. Only you and your child have that special bond. Think of it as a "secret password" to his heart.
5. Be courageous when you need to say you're "Sorry."
Admitting one's mistake is a bold act. Doing so sends your child a loud message that if you are wrong, it is alright to apologize and make amends.
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!
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