Boys Will Be Boys

I thought I "knew it all" when it came to raising, or at least, teaching young children.  I studied for it, worked close to 20 years in the field, in four continents, cross-culturally. And my own experience raising my first born child gave me all the confidence I needed. My 12-year-old daughter seems pretty "ok" (for now) so I was confident that dealing with my six-year-old would be easy.   I really thought bringing up a boy was a walk in the park.

Yes, the punch line:  it is a challenge to bring up a boy!!!

Each child is different, unique.  An all-too-familiar tag-line we hear every day, at least in my profession as an early childhood educator.  And each child will always stand out no matter where he or she is.  However, despite the millions of characteristics that set one child apart from another, there ARE common threads of behavior among children.  Specifically, common behaviors among girls and among boys.  As children they have similarities, but as human beings of different genders, they are almost on opposite poles.  And this is just not for dating purposes.

In Dr. James Dobson, in his book "Bringing Up Boys," says that "Men and women's brains looked very distinct when examined in a laboratory.  Male and female brains ARE "hardwired" differently, which accounts for behavioral and attitudinal characteristics associated traditionally with masculinity and femininity."   And when researching further, one would find that this general statement has been backed up by research!

No wonder "women are from Venus and men are from Mars!"

Let's look at the Male Brain:

According to studies (of human, monkey and rat brains!), three (3) major brain parts or components are responsible for the "differences" :

1. Testosterone
2. Serotonin
3. The Amygdala

Men, whose bodies have more testosterone (twenty times as much as in women!) are more likely to aim for wealth, power, fame, and status, because they are urged in that direction from within!  Their tendency to take risks, to be more assertive, to boast, and to seem to "excel" in certain skills like problem solving, math, and science have a connection with how the brain is physically wired.   

It is the so-called "He Hormone" that is correlated to dominance, confident physicality and high self-esteem.    Men, in this case, boys in school, have a surplus of this hormone!

Serotonin is the hormone that pretty much pacifies emotions and helps an individual control impulsive behavior. It also facilitates good judgement.  "If testosterone is the gasoline that powers the brain, serotonin slows the speed and helps one steer."  And yes, females typically have MORE of it than males!

The Amygdala is the part of the brain, roughly the size of an almond, that acts like an "emotional computer."  It "orders" the adrenal glands and other defensive organs to jump into action, to react when a threat is perceived.  So when you wonder why your little boy pushes back immediately when his sister accidentally nudges him, or when he is forever in love with the power rangers theme,  the Amygdala is to "blame!" It's role is to regulate aggression.  And again, the Amygdala is usually larger in males then in females!

Imagine all these in a preschool boy!  No wonder more boys are "diagnosed" with ADD or ADHD!

Boys, by nature are more active: they seem to be a fountain of unlimited energy, climbing, running, jumping from heights, climbing on bookshelves, and trees.  They don't MEAN to do it per se, but they do.  Why? Because they are wired to do so!

Ever wonder why boys LOVE LOVE LOVE the themes of "Super heroes" and "bad-guy, good-guy"?
It is the way they are made!  "The masculine 'will to power' is why boys fight, climb, wrestler, strut, and show off."

Boys learn about the world by using their bodies. They need to move around to figure out why the tree stump is higher on one end of the playground than the other by jumping off it.  They always run to the farthest part of the field, take up more space inside the classroom, or are constantly fidgeting in their seats.  All those elements inside their bodies are constantly in motion!

Having been in the preschool classroom for nearly 20 years, I've noticed that boys are also not as "verbal" as little girls of the same age.   More "talk" will be heard from little girls playing at the dramatic play corner than boys in the block-building center, despite the closeness in chronological ages (Ladies' lunches always take three to four hours, right?).  Boys use gestures frequently and non-verbal communication cues.  Girls resort to words more often.

CLASSROOM STRUGGLES

We know now that boys need space to move, things to build and touch, and thrive on using their bodies to connect with their brains.   Given that boys love "rough-housing" or "rough and tumble play",  expecting to contain them in a classroom, with chairs neatly aligned and windows out of their heights' reach, is practically asking for chaos.  Unfortunately, in the typical classroom, towards the later preschool ages, boys ARE expected to sit quietly and listen.

The fact that the teaching profession is dominated by women does not help either.  Women prefer behaviors that are more often attributed to "girl activities" like drawing, playing house, reading in a corner and other "paper-and-pencil" tasks.

With this scenario already in place since the 1940's, boys are definitely at a disadvantage!  In most schools, one in particular here in the beautiful island of Cebu, playground or outdoor time, is limited---to as little as one day each week!  Construction toys are scarce and space for play is like gold.  

I wonder why parents flock to that school!

One particular psychologist, Jaak Panksepp, believes that big-body play actually helps develop the frontal lobe of the brain which is responsible for regulating behavior, motor skills development and symbolic representation.  So we, teachers and parents alike, SHOULD let them play more and not expect them to remain seated quietly on their respective desks!

WHAT TO DO AT HOME

I've often wondered (again) why the world seems to have more male chefs.  Why were the famous ones always men?  One of my dearest friends is a chef and when she was in culinary school she delighted in the fact that she was one of only three women in the program.  There were 23 men in her classroom!

I realized later on that the act of COOKING is the reason.  Cooking involves all the senses, and uses big and small muscles of the body.  Putting ingredients together requires combining substances that stimulate the vision, the sense of smell, the sound of food being squashed together.  The big arm movements required to cut, chop, and mix are crucial.  Practically the whole body is involved in the process--something that boys love when they learn!

PAINTING and CRAFTWORK are also activities that will stimulate much of the human senses.  The vivid colors, the arm movements, the smell of paint or whatever media is involved.  The texture of the canvas or the paper, or the wall of the house even provides your little artist with the space he needs!

GARDENING and "INSECTING".  A child in a classroom I substituted in once labeled the act of looking for insects, "Insecting."  And this activity we do frequently with our children at home.  We are lucky to have a garden by our house and we often seek out spiders with beautifully-spun webs.  We watch how the spider traps an insect and spins its web around the prey. We catch "bull ants"--those big but harmless black ones that trail the sidewalks--and place them in little match boxes to see how fast they can get out again.  We literally spend at least one hour outside "Insecting." The sunlight is great for the body (before 11 am of course!) and the space outdoors give my son the feeling of freedom!

Gardening is nothing but shoveling soil into a mound for us.  We bought inexpensive little metal garden tools and with our supervision, the kids hack away and pile up soil in one corner of the garden.  We water it then pile on some more.  My older daughter thought of planting simple plants and now we have a little herb garden.

BLOCK-BUILDING of course is a fool-proof, simple and CLEAN way of keeping my son involved mentally and physically.  Each day he builds different structures:  a zoo, a parking garage, a building, a slide for cars.  The possibilities are limitless!  Physics and geometry are involved when we balance, talk about shapes, figure out how to reach an equilibrium among the blocks being put on top of each other, and we also include little "boy dolls" to make sure we have pretend play going on.  Again my older child suggested we put "signs" in the structures, and thus the element of literacy is injected.








So in the end, Boys will be Boys not matter what we do.  No amount of tying them to their seat will stop them from moving about.  Not even thatPSP or DS or Wii.  Boys will always find a way to move around and learn with their bodies.  We cannot, and SHOULD NOT keep them from moving.  That's the way they learn, and that's the way the will live.